How to Sit With Your Feelings (Without Getting Stuck in Them)
I’m sure most of us have heard that we should “sit with our feelings” but what does that even really mean? And why is it so hard to do?
In this blog post, the goal is to explore emotional regulation and approach this topic with compassion and curiosity for ourselves. This is especially important if you’re someone who tends to avoid emotions or feels easily overwhelmed by them. You deserve to practice offering patience and understanding for things that are hard.
So, What Does It Mean to “Sit With Your Feelings”?
Sitting with your feelings doesn’t mean you have to literally drop everything, sit down and focus on your emotions the moment they arise. Instead, it starts with developing the understanding that feelings aren’t good or bad. They’re neutral! Emotions are simply temporary responses to what we experience and to what our nervous system interprets. By embracing this concept we shift away from labeling our emotions as positive or negative and then, overtime and with practice, we find it easier to connect with all our natural feelings.
I want to pause and point out that whenever nuanced topics (like this and most things related to therapy) are being discussed online, it’s important to consider your own individual experience. For example, someone with trauma, might become overwhelmed trying to process emotions on their own and need secure and trauma-informed support. For someone with OCD, the distress and discomfort might feel too heightened if not approached from a helpful modality such as ERP. This type of personal context is important to keep in mind, so that we don’t accidentally slip into the pitfall of assuming something automatically applies to us! Okay, now that we’ve laid that out, let’s get back to it.
Sitting with our feelings is learning to drop out of our heads and tune into our body. Emotions are a physiological experience! You may recognize this as that knot in your stomach, the pull on your heart, or the tension in your throat. When we try to mentally disconnect from these sensations our bodies are still experiencing them. And as a therapist, I’m here to tell you that there is such power and healing in FEELING these feelings. You are a living breathing organism that carries so much information through the felt experience. Yes, analyzing can serve an important purpose and intellectualizing can feel comfortable and safe, but sometimes when we miss or avoid the somatic piece, we keep ourselves stuck. If this is you, keep reading as we’ll address the steps and tools you can utilize for change.
LONG STORY SHORT, the definition of sitting with your feelings is to allow yourself to notice and experience emotions without judgment or avoidance. Recognizing feelings as temporary, neutral responses in both the body and mind, and creating space to connect with them rather than overanalyze or suppress them.
Why We Avoid Our Feelings
If your first instinct when hearing all this is “nope, hard pass”, you’re not alone. Who wants to feel pain or hurt? Or maybe you were raised in a home where emotions didn’t deserve space, so avoidance simply feels like the only option. Whatever the reason, the root of avoidance is usually because emotions are viewed as threats instead of the signals that they are. When emotions are painted in this unmanageable light the result is usually an unhelpful cycle of seeking distraction, staying overly busy, numbing out, or overthinking. Overtime, this cycle of avoidance continues to reinforce the belief that emotions are too big, too scary, not important, etc. leaving you disconnected from reality. The reality being that, as a human, we have feelings whether we acknowledge them or not. Essentially pain and hurt are to be expected parts of life and they still exist, even if we don’t want them to.
I understand how frustrating this can be, especially when we engage in these avoidant behaviors due to immense pain someone else caused, harmful beliefs that we grew up with, or simply because life can be really hard and we need a break. I see you and I get it. What I hear, in these moments, is someone who is doing the best with what they have, and if that’s all you have for today that’s okay. When you’re ready to try something different, there is help available.
The Benefits of Sitting With Your Emotions
Well we’ve just outlined how hard this is, so why bother with something so uncomfortable? The answer is simple, there are real and meaningful benefits to sitting with your emotions! Let’s break it down real fast:
You build self-awareness: You get better at noticing patterns and are able to respond instead of react.
Your anxiety reduces: Instead of fearing “What if I feel this forever?”, you learn that emotions (including anxiety) rise and fall naturally.
It creates space for healing: Having feelings is human. Learning to process your emotions can bring relief and clarity.
You support your overall wellbeing: Emotions impact us mentally and physically, in both short-term and long-term ways.
I’ll say it again, this isn’t easy AND there are positive outcomes when we engage in this challenging work.
Practical Steps: How to Sit With Your Feelings
So now we’re to the actionable stuff! How can we start developing a new, different, and hopefully more helpful relationship to our emotions?
1. Name it (to tame it).
This is a solid one for a reason! Putting words to what you’re feeling: “I feel anxious”, “I feel grief”, “I feel numb”, helps us to start organizing and validating our experience.
2. Locate it in the body.
I touched on the importance of this earlier. Simply begin by noticing where the emotion shows up (tightness in your chest, heaviness in your stomach, restlessness in your hands). Every time we do this, we’re establishing a response that is slow and in tune with our complex system.
3. Breathe into it.
So now what? Maybe try taking a slow breath and imagining the breath softening that area of your body. Maybe physically touch and apply light pressure to that area. Listen to your senses here. You’re not trying to erase the feeling, rather you’re loosening it’s grip.
4. Stay curious, not judgmental.
IMPORTANT REMINDER!!!! Feelings aren’t good or bad, they’re neutral reactions. Instead of labeling them, ask: What is this feeling trying to tell me?
5. Give it time.
Emotions are waves. They rise, peak, and eventually fall. You don’t have to fight them to make them leave. Another important aspect to giving it time is recognizing that while we may want the feeling to last 20 seconds max, a reasonable expectation is that our emotions may take more time to process. But you’ve got this, we are capable of tolerating more than we often realize.
6. Use grounding tools.
If you’ve tried the above and are feeling overwhelmed, or you already know you don’t have the capacity to sit with your feelings today, go ahead and drop an anchor. There are lots of grounding tools to use in this moment such as engaging your five senses, holding something comforting, or moving your body gently.
6. Release shame.
Again, we all have different factors that inform how we show up. If you couldn’t use grounding tools and you moved to your favorite coping mechanism of doomscrolling to avoid, that’s okay. You’re only human after all!
What Sitting With Feelings Is Not
It’s just as important to clear up misconceptions. Sitting with your feelings is not:
Problem-solving or fixing right away.
Ignoring, suppressing, or pretending you’re fine.
Believing every thought that shows up alongside the feeling.
It’s about practice and being present, not perfection.
When Sitting With Feelings Feels Too Hard
As discussed earlier, depending on your history or circumstance, sometimes sitting with your emotions can feel overwhelming or unsafe. If that’s the case, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you may need support.
This might sound familiar if:
You feel like the emotion will swallow you whole.
You notice panic, dissociation, or shutting down when you try.
Trauma has made connecting to your body feel scary.
If that’s you, you don’t have to do this alone. Therapy, journaling, or seeking support from a trusted person can create safety as you build this skill. For people navigating trauma or OCD, it’s often best to approach this slowly, with guidance, and in ways that honor your nervous system.
What can I do differently today?
If all you have to give today is to slow down for 30 seconds when you notice some anxiety rising, that’s enough. You don’t need to welcome every feeling with open arms, but with time, you’ll begin to trust that emotions pass AND that you’re capable of enduring them when they come.
Remember: small, consistent moments of allowing your feelings to exist as they do can create profound change.
Take a moment today and ask yourself: What would it look like to pause with just one feeling?
And if you’d like support in learning how to sit with your emotions in a safe, compassionate way, therapy with me might be a way to receive help!
